I used to
say that it didn't matter to me if anything was "out there" because I didn't believe that it was my job while here to figure that out. Im a good person so either way, no worries. However I have realized in the past week or so that I do in fact want to have a grasp on what exactly I feel is going on with this whole life thing, I need to for my own peace of mind at LEAST to explore and study the different possibilities that others have put out there. I do feel spiritual...but..... Im not sure where to direct that energy. I used to be a christian....when I stopped believing what was being taught I left the church. I know I made the right decision for me....however its like there is this hole now where that was in my life. There was a certainty about it all, I was so convinced that it was the right way to go and it was so comfortable for a time. Knowing that all those people in the room believed what I did gave me a sense of community that I had never felt before and still havent found anywhere else. It was total acceptance and you had something very profound in common with all these people. Can you imagine walking into a room of 500 people and feeling that each one of them accepted you just where you were...not only accepted you but loved you, and know that all of you share the same foundation?.. so to speak. Hmmm maybe I will never feel that way again. Maybe I will never be so sure about it all....maybe I will just have to get comfortable with not knowing...cause ultimately....I never will while Im here.....