Molly, This story is so close to my heart. I came to this site back in August b/c I needed advise concerning my friend. I met him when I was 17 and always loved him. 16 years later he came into my life again. He was the same guy I knew so long ago, in addition, he is now an addict. He had been in treatment programs 2 other times and since his 3rd treatment had been out only 3 months when we reconnected. He and his family all thought this time he is really committed to sobriety.
Within a month his behavior changed radically (very much like the behaviors you read about in this site.) I was trying desperately to change his course. I went to NA and Naranon meetings to seek help for him. I came to SR to get advise. There was one person in every support group who made the suggestion that, if I wasn't in too deep already, I should consider not getting involved. Red flags were going off in my head. To me these people had been living in my future and told me to stay away. Right then I decided to set my boundary.
Many months later his mother tells me he is sober, working, and trying to reconsile with his wife. If it is true I am relieved and grateful that he is sober and not living on the street. I still care about his health and happiness but I have come to terms that can not cure anyone and I must work on my own recovery.
I am now doing my own recovery from codependency and low self worth. I think every day that it's hard enough to play out my role in my own life and I must spend my time and energy searching for my own sources of happiness. I continue to come back to SR to read up on the special people who are supportive to one another and working on their own forms of recovery.
I am grateful that I got out when I did and am looking forward to meeting a significant other with whom I can build a nurturing and positive future. Molly, please remember to put yourself first whatever you do! This is just MY story and I wish you success in what ever path you choose.
Shwooz
Ladies and gentlemen, You are all wonderful gentle people. I wish this New Year will be better than the last, for all of us! Peace.