Sally

I miss my A-Husband, I miss my life, I miss being married.
I left my husband last August because his drinking was out of control.
I didn't want to leave, I was so stressed out by his bewildering behaviour, which was at it's peak.
I was given an altumadum, by a family member to leave or they would contact C.A.S.
I was so beside myself, I knew that he was out of control.Everything was out of control.
and I was losing control,
So I left.
the first month was hell, I cried, and cried, and cried,
I was being pressured by my family to go to a lawyer and get it over with.
Sell the house, be done with him.
I was in shock, I was sick to my stomach, In my heart I hoped he would go get help, I begged, I pleaded with him.
He cried and begged me to come back home, and I repeatedly told him to go to treatment.
Seven months later.......Im still waiting
He's still in our home,
I've finally began to rebuild my life and come to terms with the fact that he's not going to get help.
maybe he will someday, but i can't help but feel hurt and dissipointed that he hasn't missed me and the children enough to go to treatment.
I was horrified at myself for leaving him all alone, sick and drinking himself to death. I felt such quilt and worry.
And God I was so homesick.........
now it has faded slightly, I have managed to start to put the pieces of my life back together. I can't believe I've made it this far.
I have moments where i just ache to go back.
I am so scared,and I feel so old.
I have struggled to keep my sanity, Anxiety,depression.
I have just recently emerged from the darkness and I fear it.
but I miss him,
i miss him, we were together for 23 years.......
I know im doing the right thing and I will be ok, and that each day things get a little better.
but dam I miss my life.......