I read your story - and I recognised it as being similar to mine. I was married to my husband for 8 years - and that was 8 years of misery. I allowed him to rip me and my world apart with his addictions, and absolutely trash me.
I began praying that God would get me out of the marriage, (I came from a legalistic church background that I knew would show no mercy on me leaving a marriage).
He spoke so lovingly at times, then with complete hatred - and this is what you call an abuse cycle. It keeps you hooked in, because, if they were all bad you'd have no trouble walking out. Saying one thing, doing another - it left me an emotional wreck, continually off balance. I was the one going out to work, I had to take responsibility for everything. He truly ruined me - and yet I would seem to cave in at the sound of a kind word.
As far as if he means what he says, from my own personal experience, addicts don't usually have a clue what they mean. The very essence of addiction is complete self-absorption - an inability to give, but instead take all for themselves, with a complete inability to relate to others.
Everybody's situation is somewhat different, but when you completely lose yourself inside a relationship, especially a painful and draining one, you have to find a place to allow yourself to breath and feel again. That may mean joining a support group, getting closer to friends, or altogether leaving. I left in the end because my husband used me as a way of loving his addiction. It has been three years, and I am in University, working and living in peace.
I hope you are able to see also that God is not the enemy. He is not there to make you feel guilty. He is your forever friend.
Keep writing and I know that you will get the support you need, because you reached out for it.
Your friend
Angela
Be pro-active for yourself and your children.