HI Faith...
You are the only one who knows when enough is enough. It strikes me that it really doesn't often matter what a family does or does not do regarding their addict. They will clean up when and if they are ready to do so. Toughlove may or may not inspire your addict. In my case, toughlove was what I had to do for myself. I was simply going insane. I believe it may have been one of the factors in Dino seeking counseling, but I can never be sure. I have said that I believe that an addict only seeks help when they perceive that they are losing too much to their addiction, and that the sooner they start losing those things, the better. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but it seemed that Dino went to counseling when he saw he was in imminent danger of losing me and his family entirely.
I too, indulged him, protected him, supported him, because I was afraid of what would happen to him without this haven. One drug dealer kicked him in the head so severely that he is now deaf in one ear. I washed blood out of his clothes more than I care to think about. This haven did not protect him from that. It didn't matter how much I did, it was not enough. For my own sanity, I had to say, "you do what you're going to do, but leave me out of it if you're going to continue this lifestyle." Sticking to that took a lot of tries. Perhaps it is arrogant to believe my action was a catalyst for his recovery. The fact is, I didn't do it for him at all. I did it for myself.
You have to do for yourself. If giving him a safe place to be gives you consolation, you are not "wrong" in doing that. I reached the point where it did not any more. You are the only one who can ever know what is enough for you.
Do something just for yourself today... even if it's only 20 minutes in the tub. And try to laugh. I am thinking of you.
Smoke