Faith, I have much love for you and your family. I am the one who always says that toughlove is the way. But I realize that toughlove hurts the family more than it affects the addict. Causing the family and you in particular cruel and unusual pain is not what this is all about. It is surely about recovery from the disease of addiction but there are other options that can be explored.
There are a group of people who do intervention. What that means is that they actualy come out to your home and work with the family to convince the addict to do the right thing. The right thing being to stop using, go into treatment, attend the required meetings and stop holding everyone's life hostage. Here are some addresses for you to check out and see if this is what you are looking for:
www.jifoundation.org www.intervention.com
Please let me know, if it works for you. The things that I say and do are for the greater good. And the only way to be good is when it works and you let me know it works so that I can do it for someone else.
Just for Today-------------I am Sober