dear swanky,
i think "giving up" on them (the alcoholics in my life) is the saddest thing i have ever had to do. it feels like "letting them die", especially when they put that guilt trip on you like you just described.
grief is a process - remember the 5 steps of DABDA. i am telling you this because i need to hear it again. i have had to "let go" and grieve several times, and it doesn't get easier. i love these people and it hurts to watch them destroy their own lives. but al-anon has taught me that i didn't cause it, i can't control it and i sure can't cure it. i can only take care of me - i have a tendency to be a "dry drunk" and go off on emotional tirades.
let go and let God.... thanks for letting me remind myself (and maybe some others) of this truth. your difficulty helps me and mine helps someone else and so it goes. we stick together and we get well.
peace,
marie