Hi Swanky,
A lot of things you said reminded me of me so I have to write. My mom has been in AA and sober for 20 years. She left my dad because he wouldn't quit drinking. When I married my husband she was very concerned about his drinking but I wouldn't talk to her about it because I have always felt I have to defend him. In fact, for the past four years I have been making excuses for his drinking and anti-social behavior. Meanwhile, I too can't drive a stick so I have been in the car with him when he shouldn't have been driving but that I felt it was my way home. If you have read my posts, then you also know he refuses to go to AA and he thinks he can quit or cut down and that he said I should leave him if he can't quit. I asked him to quit on Sunday. I have a sneaking suspicion that he is hiding his drinking now. I won't explain why, but I feel pretty sure he is pretending. Anyhow, I finally had a long talk with my mom and admitted that i married an alcoholic. I realized that I had been thinking that because she doesn't drink she was critical of everyone who did. Now I realize that I have my very own veteran in my family and I can talk to her... and she knows what she is talking about! So, my advice (not that I should be giving it, but it is my own advice for me) is listen to your mother and remember to talk to her rather than defending him. Good luck! I am right here with you.