Sadly, some people never get it and will ALWAYS judge their insides by other people's outsides. I have the blessing of spending some time right now with my family of origin, and I am so incredibly grateful for my recovery program. I've come far enough that I can let most of what my mom says just slide off me... she is who she is, and mostly I can feel sorry for her that she's so locked into that way of thinking that she misses a whole lot of the joy and wonder all around her.
I hope your daughter is able to learn to love herself, Marle. She has to be a wonderful young woman. She has you for a mom~