Thread: Struggling
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Old 02-02-2009, 01:18 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Aysha
Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am going to make it. I am too tired to go through it. Tired I mean tired of the BS that goes with it. As much as I may go back and forth. I know I dont want to use more than I want to. I am just so over the cycle of crap. I will sit here playing mind games with myself. but I am not going to act on it. I know this.
Because when I do think about actually going. I just get this disgusted feeling. Like doing something I dont want to do. Liek going to work when your tired as hell. You know what I mean? Its feels more like a task than a want right now.
So I am good. I will e good tomorrow when I know I have 2 more bills paid.
I am actually pretty dam proud of myself for making it like I ahve all week. I have never lasted this long with urges.
I am really trying this time guys. I mean for real trying. It is so uncomfortable soemtimes. But its much better than how uncomfortable it feels after the let down. That is pure hell. And I am constantly thinking about the aftermath. I am reliving that come down. And thats really whats keeping me clean. I am so tired of that craziness. What the hell do I want to pay another MFer a bunch of money to make myself miserable for?
Not anymore. Not this time.
Thx all..I dont know what I would do without you guys.
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