I am very grateful for a job. Believe me. And one I like on top of it.
I am not saying I am the only one who works either.
But sometimes when you know how to do more and people know you will always do soemthing. They start to take advantage of it.
I am all about Karma. Anyone here knows that. So I do believe whatever I do right will always ensure my blessings. And not a quick reward. It will keep coming and have long lasting rewards. I knwo this.
I get a little impatient sometimes. And then I feel stupid for sayion anything becasue either I usually come here with this strugglin thing and end up going anyway. Or I come here and I know I am not struggling enough to where I will go.
I dont know. The urges are hitting me pretty good foe a couple minutes then they are gone. But they keep coming and going. But at least they are going.
Yea..Last year I was planning that relapse for weeks before they left. I wanted to get high so bad. They couldnt leave fast enough. I was sick all the way there. And I ended up ruining 3 mos clean and losing my job and spent over $500 in 2 days. It sucked!
If I dont have money I am fine.
Isnt that sick? Soemthing I need and theres no way to not have it.
I will be ok for now. I am not going to give in. I have come too far now to turn back.
Plus I keep thinkin how much of a pain in the ass it is to go through going there. Smoking it and then running out and wanting more. It sucks. I hate the come down so much. So thats what I am working with,