Thread: Fear of Success
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:24 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
dothi
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Originally Posted by escape artist View Post
something about his super large alcoholic ego was unable to separate/distinguish from his kids. as though we were extensions of him and so we had to do it his way...and anything other that his way he would show no support whatsoever.
Yes yes YES this is my AF to a tee. I'm his academic dream (went to university) and my brother is his athletic dream (star on a sport's team). He's been obsessed with these qualities in his children, and often takes credit for these specific successes (it's only because of his hard work and encouragement that we were successful in the first place, right?). When we've complained about how much pressure he puts on us, he denies any connection. Quite frankly that pressure is there because unless you're successful, you don't get attention from dad. It's one of the few things that distract him from alcohol.

My sister suffered from this attitude especially (lost child); she wasn't talented at anything obvious, so she was basically ignored her entire life. My AF has always seen her as a failure, and has always put her down. She has moved away from the family, gone back to school, and is succeeding despite many challenges exacerbated by limited personal support. These days AF visibly tries to lord over her, but is limited to petty things like where to hang a wall poster or buy shoes. It's sickening to watch, but she is getting better at ignoring it.

Originally Posted by escape artist View Post
it is fairly difficult when your "family" is really not much of any kind of support system for you. they were more like let's pull the rug out from under you whenever we feel like it.
I call this phenomenon "set up to fail" in my family.
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