I agree, i also feel that i am in control over whether or not to take that first drink. However, once i've had that first drink, then i am powerless, or at least the urge to drink is WAY more powerful than any urge to stop.
I used to obsess over one day being ok to drink again. It's the holy grail of most addicts i think, to be able to go back to when it worked for them and they could use without it taking over.
I don't really worry about it now, i may or may not one day be able to drink sensibly again, but i know for sure that today i can't.
I know that it would take a huge force of will to be able to have a couple of social drinks and just stop there, so much so that it would not be enjoyable.
My drinking became so that i would keep going until i was unconscious / broke / all the alcohol was gone, and i am not sure that will ever change.
Also as said above, once you start being able to enjoy things without a drink, you find a new, more real enjoyment of things, which i am just learning.