Okay Thanks for the help. I am very healthy and well and about to marry a really nice man. I thought perhaps since this was a unclosed book it might need to be closed for spiritual purposes. I had no idea a 20 year old wound would cause so much pain to come out, but can only imagine it is helpful in healing both us. I am not sure how to proceed with my behavior. I have tried to foregive him long ago. And need to forgive him now. The car....well let's say I got alot of exercise that year! Always a positive, and I am many, many cars past that that. But I did tell him I walked to work for a year or my friends had to pick me up. Yes the 3red flags were the 1)18 years of sobriety and then mention 3rd class of wine. 2) contacting me after 20 years! 3) he is writing his memories and somewhere he mentioned that the sex was great...which I found offensive. I set clear boundaries about that right away. He is in his 3rd marriage.
So should I tell him about my pain without being a jerk ...try to detach? And he says he has alot of other things he would like to apologize about. Thus far it has been email but I would like to hear him apologize on the phone.
Thank you and Kisses, J