Omg!!! I need help!!!!
Hello all! For most of you here you probably have been following my story of HF relapsing, stealing jewelry from me, making amends by at least getting my ring returned to me, moving out of his place and into sober living. Well, if the story couldn't get any worse, it has. On Wednesday night he was on his way to see me to say goodbye before going to his temporary housing (sober living). He had all of his life (BC, SS card, TV, Microwave, etc.) packed into his only possession (his car). The police pulled him over, in the worst neighborhood of Philly, and ticketed him for not wearing a seat belt. They ran his name and found that he had a VOP charge from 2002 that he never took care of. I spoke with the jail and they confirmed no new charges and he was there for the VOP charge. WTF!!!! I'm so confused right now. I went to visit him and his once bright blue eyes look so dull and lifeless. He was crying to me and for the first time his lips quivered. He couldn't look me in the eye and he told me that this may be the hardest thing for him to say (to let me go). He said that he doesn't want to let me go but he understands if I want to leave. I'm so torn right now. He was on his way to do the right thing. He was on his way to getting his life back and he is in jail from a VOP charge from 2002. Isn't there a statue of limitations by this point?? Why do I continue to want to stay in this relationship??? I do love him. I care about him deeply and granted that I experienced only 1 relapse with him and now this, I still don't want to walk away. What in the heck is wrong with that???
He cried and stated that his whole life is in his car and if I would be willling to retrieve his car. I still put my boundaries up and told him no. So, his car will either be towed or stolen. Nonetheless, his whole life gone. He has nothing but the clothes he walked into jail with and his wallet. That's it!!! I told him that his whole life will have to stay there and take it's chance. I can't retrieve his car. These are the consequences. He understood.
I don't know why I'm having such a difficult time walking away. I don't want to date anymore. I have been married and divorced. I'm a single mother with a 5 year old. Gratefully, he wasn't exposed to this and won't be. I will never take him to the jail for visits, etc. etc. But, I'm just so into taking care of myself for now, that dating, moving on, etc. is far from my mind but yet I still want to hang on to this guy. I have been without someone for years at a time before so that's not my reason for hurting this much.
We had an awesome relationship before his relapse. We both are so connected to each other. Why is this so hard??
I'm just so confused right now. My heart hurts and my gut isn't telling me to leave. My gut is telling me to live my life one day at a time and wherever the wind blows that is where you will land.
Thanks for letting me vent. I just need some support right now.