Thanks, Debbie. Everything helps at this point. I have been soo sad and confused and angry for the past two weeks that I have not been able to think about anything else. I am no longer giving him years. I am taking Smoke's advice and taking it one day at a time. I am more upset since I have realized that if I leave him he has to move back in with his parents in Boston. I am sad because I don't want him to have to do that. But I am also angry because I don't know why I am responsible for making his life happen for him. I am confused because part of me thinks he is only 26 years old and now is the time to kick him out and make him take responsibility for his life because every year he lives like this is going to make it harder for him to get it back together. The other part of me thinks he is only 26 and he is going through major life changes right now and just needs support. Then I think about me and how angry I am that he doesn't put half as much effort into meeting my needs as I put into his. I realize that I have to take care of myself because he isn't doing it for me. Then I get confused because I feel he just doesn't know how to give me what I need. I think I have told him clearly but he just doesn't seem to be getting it. Last night I dreamt he kissed another girl and I told him it was over, to call his parents because I was done taking care of him. I was almost disappointed when I woke up and found it hadn't happened. Oh.. and incidentally, he already had an excuse to drink more than once this week... he killed his first elk yesterday and bought a 12 pack of bud and a pack of cigarettes (he has quit twice now... both for 6 months at at time) to celebrate. He asked if I would hold it against him. I said no, he can do what he wants. I meant it because I refuse to babysit him, but I am mentally giving up. The only thing keeping me in the house with him is that if I leave he can't afford to live there and has to go back to Boston. I have been praying for God to tell me what I need to do. I just don't know. Right now I feel like doing things to **** him off so that he leaves me... but I know he won't ever leave me.