boy, do your words really bring back a lot to me. i'm not going to go over it all again but yu can look at my post about my son to read some about life with my ex. i did all those things...the cries, the ultimatums, the promises. i wondered what was wrong with me that he didn't want to be with me and was willing to give it all up for a bottle of vodka.
i left our hometown to attend UC Davis (graduated...BA Fine Arts) and was gone for 2 years. we were divorced, but i was still engtangled in the relationship. i saw him a total of maybe 2 times. when i moved back to this area after graduating i reallized that his alchohol consumption was worse than ever.
he lives in a "shed" right now, and i can't see how he lives the way he does. but he does it because there is no rules, he can drink when he wants, and he has no responsibilities. i had to come to the point of realizing that notheing was wrong with me (getting out to Davis really helped, the isolation from him and the relization that i had something to offer the world...that he was wrong about me)
we can't control the abuser's behavior. we can't change the abuser's behavior. and sometimes detatchment just doesn't work while
remaining in the home with the abuser. i had to think of my safety, and the safety of my three children because my ex would become violent when he drank.
i don't know if this helps any, but i hope it does.