Thanks, Girls, I really appreciate your input. He hasn't had a drink since Saturday (so tonight will be his 5th night sober.) I don't think detoxing is his problem, its keeping motivated. He was sober 6 weeks last year and just got bored so he decided to go back to drinking. I know he needs professional help learning to deal with his emotions but he is stubborn and doesn't agree. A few years ago I convinced him to go on anti-depressants but as helpful as they were they were only supplementing his drinking so when he said he thought he would stop taking them after more than two years of taking them I wasn't concerned. As for why I dont' want him to know I am getting support, it is because he is very hard-headed. He seems to think that if I am reading self-help books or talking to others then my words and advice are not my own but what people have told me to say. He is able to blow off what I say when he thinks some "stupid" people put it in my head. Thus I want to keep all excuses for disregarding what I say out of the picture. I already know he is going to drink again because he said he is just taking time off, so I dont' really care if he drinks again tonight or in a year because I know until he decides to really quit he cannot make progress, and as long as he is not making progress, our relationship is not making progress. I guess the question I have is whether I am wrong to let him try to cut down and then find out he can't and have to quit. I refuse to give him ultimatums so I have it in my head that I will encourage him to quit but not threaten to leave until I am packed and ready to go. I know in my head that I am giving him 3 years to get sober and until then I can only tell him that I am not happy when he drinks and let him decide what he is going to do. In that three years, i am also determined to live my life and do my own thing (not wait for him to determine my future) The question I have is am I wasting my time? Should I tell him now he has to quit and the next time he drinks leave? I have read enough threads to know you girls will say only I can decide when I have had enough, but I would appreciate your opinion on what you think will and will not work.