HI Skeptical...
I'm curious about why you don't want your husband to know you're seeking support? Are you trying to spare his feelings? He's not sparing yours. Let him be the sneaky one. Tell him about this board and march off to those meetings with pride.
What does he have against AA? It's not for everybody, but your fella has already shown that all-on-his-own is not working for him. He needs to try something... AA, NA, counseling. Recovery comes in a lot of flavors.
If as you say, he has been relying on booze to fill his emotional needs... then it seems plain that he needs SOMETHING ELSE to fill them. He needs to figure out what is supposed to be in that big empty hole he keeps filling with swill. HE NEEDS HELP FROM A GROUP AND/OR A PROFESSIONAL.
But first, he needs to dry out. Listen to Pernell.
Smoke