I'm scared and could use some support
Right now this secular forum is the only place I feel comfortable posting. I have been glued to this site since Monday and have managed to get a few days in without a drink. Went to my Dr. Wed and told him everything and I think I am going to be ok on the health front, even if my stomach still hurts.
Ok....so what is scaring me. I know I can't do this thing without support. This forum has been invaluable but at some point I am going to have to branch out and see other people f2f - which means AA. There are only two secular groups I can go to and that is only two days a week and I don't think that is enough. I do not like AA. I am afraid I am going to have a very negative reaction if I run into people who start telling me to get a sponsor, work the steps, turn it over. I can't tell you how many meetings I have walked out of only to go to the store and buy wine. (Just thinking about this is making my stomach hurt worse.) That has been my reaction when faced with certain AAers. Don't get me wrong, there are some people in AA who are wonderful. I am afraid of the ones who are very dogmatic in their beliefs and start throwing worn-out cliches at me. I just cannot handle them. And I cannot afford to pick up a drink.
I know some of you attend AA. My question is how do you do it and how do I deal with those I know are going to do me more harm than good? I am not even sure I should even try to go to AA considering I have a LONG history with AA and, well, it hasn't been pleasant. Nonetheless, I doubt I can do this deal without some kind of f2f.
Anyway, I am posting this in SC as I'd like to hear from people who can relate to how I feel and learn how you've done it. Thanks in advance.