Originally Posted by
TryingSoHard 
Wow, lots of really good things have been said here so far. I agree that it's an incredibly individual decision, and you know your folks and we don't
.
I have not been close to my parents since I was 13 (I am 27 now). It was more than the normal teenage angst thing: My sister (the only other child in the family) was in a car accident and suffered brain damage from which she has never fully recovered. After that, as mentioned above, they just sort of ignored me and focused on her. They provided a place to live and food to eat, but I basically raised myself from that point on. That's not to say my parents don't love me, but we are not close and we never will be. This keeps me from telling them about much of anything, from my grades in school to my drug/alcohol addictions to the fact that I am in a serious relationship (my parents think we're *just friends*. We are discussing long-term plans like moving in together and custody/visitation arrangements for his daughter once we move away for grad school).
Originally Posted by
TryingSoHard How long have you been clean and sober? I think I agree the most with fall when he said, I'm sure you don't want this to become a PROBLEM in your relationship with your parents. So if you're telling them about RECOVERY - great. If you're telling them about a still-active addiction, you might want to hold off a bit.
Best wishes.
Three weeks, as of yesterday. I think that still counts as an active addiction because I still am fighting cravings and withdrawal a little bit. I started trying to get sober in early October 2008 but did not have much luck until I finally got away from all the people I used with. You and fall raise a good point that I had not really considered yet: since I am not close to my parents, telling them would probably just mean drama, especially from my mom because she likes drama because she gets attention for it.
Originally Posted by
fall I think that's a primary fear for not telling others about one's use, being "watched" or otherwise provoking suspicion about use. If others know, you're not so free to indulge freely.
It's not that I want to be free to indulge, though that's a good point. My boyfriend watches me pretty carefully (he's also had drug and alcohol abuse problems, so I don't get weirded out about it). Mostly though I feel like telling them would put me under a microscope with a big spotlight shining on me, and some neon signs that say
ADDICT above my head. I would never again be free to visit my grandparents' house, because grandma is on oxycontin and oxycodone, which I would take when I couldn't get anything else, etc. I'm doing ok and I don't want the pressure of feeling like I'm giving a performance of what drug and alcohol recovery should look like.
All that to say I think I'm better off not telling them for now. See, I'm glad I didn't say anything the other night and just waited for it to pass. And posted here.
I am glad to report that for the first time since I started taking drugs, today I looked in the mirror and thought, "Wow. I'm not so terrible-looking after all." Drugs make you ugly.