Your husband is a poster child for the need for support groups.
The sad part is that you can't make him go to AA. Are you attending al-anon? You say you're "living the al-anon way"... does that include going to meetings?
I relate to the personality change your husband goes through. It is obvious when the addict in my life is using, because he becomes belligerent and illogical, when ususally he is a kind and reasonable soul.
If you have made an ultimatum to your husband about verbal abuse or anything else, I urge you to stick to it. An addict will get by with everything they can.
Keep posting.
Smoke