Thank you so much for this post! At my last therapy session I mentioned a family member who leans heavily on my mom and I. She was going to a therapist but stopped when they hit a place she didn't want to work through.
The bottom line is I can't help her any more because it's compromising my serenity, and she's not doing anything for herself. There's a CodA meeting within a couple of miles of her but she refuses to go there, too. So I've been struggling for the words and you just gave them to me:
I can offer you help in finding a solution, but I can’t BE the solution nor can I do the work for you. 