Smoke,
It's so helpful to get advice from someone who's been through this, and who isn't emotionally caught up in the situation as I am. It gets so hard to see clearly. Your email nickname makes sense now. I've often referred to a "smoke and mirrors" routine about my boyfriend's past behavior. I hope that I can find answers at meetings and some of them are different than just reading out of the One Day at a Time book and each person giving their feedback on what it means. Maybe the simplicity of that approach is effective. I heard there were different types of Alanon meetings. I guess I'll go to different ones and find out. I've only been to one! Yikes! My main fear now is "How can I commit to a lifetime with someone when I'm not sure how much I trust him anymore?" Hopefully, Alanon will help with that also. Whatever I do find out, I'll post it here. It would be nice to offer advice rather than always being so needy. But that's why most of us are part of this group, I suspect, at least initially. So, thanks again for your objective feedback, it's extremely helpful!
Peace,
Mindybadger