THREE YEARS!?!
Would you mind explaining, because I hope I don't quite understand, what the 3 year plan is?
Reading your posts, I get the idea that you are in a situation that should not be tolerated for 3 months, much less three years.
Decide what you deserve. Now. Decide what you want. Now. Make your clear ultimatums. Now. If he can't/won't give you what you deserve and want, now, then walk, NOW.
He can get in a detox program tomorrow. He can have practically anything cleaned out of his system in 9 days. Then he can get to work on his head and what makes him want to drink or take drugs in the first place. Recovery isn't an overnight thing, but commitment to recovery can be. Why are you asking for three more years of hell? With that much rope he can hang the both of you.
Please give me some clarification. My insides are screaming.
Smoke