This must be dreadful for you Gwen. It is incredible for me to read that someone can't receive medical treatment cause they've got no money. I live in the UK and we don't have that problem - the system isn't perfect but I don't need to worry if I have money in case of illness.
The physical ailments you have are serious and obviously, it is affecting all aspects of your being. You are being brave sharing all this and you are an intelligent person. I sobered up in 1985, and after 3 years was drinking again. But I've stayed sober since Nov 1988, I'm 54 now and was able to give my family a reasonable life and be a productive, mainly happy member of society.
My wife of almsot 30 yrs and I patted orselves on the back over the good job we'd done with our kids. Then 4 years ago, my world crumbled. I was diagnosed with ALS/Lou Gerhig's disease. It took the medical people about 18 months to diagnose it - but meantime I lost everything, our family home, cars, a holiday chalet, some savings and was bankrupted by the taxman over a pretty small income tax bill!
I was put on various drugs - I'd never really used drugs, smoked weed once or twice and I remember after a long bender, someone gave me a sniff of cocaine which squared me up for more drink. But I'd seen over the years how recovering alcoholics can become easily hooked on pills prescribed. I was given about 7 drugs in all for the ALS - one of which was an opiate dihydrocodiene. Well, the problems I've had with this drug is nobodies business. I knew right away it gave me a mood lift and of course I was quickly hooked. I am now taking 30 a day of 30mg, need 10 first thing to bring my mood up. My doctor, who is also a friend, takes the attitude that I will live for another 2 years at most, so just be comfortable. Once or twice I've run out of them, a long public holiday weekend or that, and I've been climbing walls!!
I hope you get your answers my friend, really, I do. I'm not going to werite any more for now, but if you want, please fell free to contact me and we'll talk.
My very best wishes,
Ben