The other thing I did, Jen, was swear off guys after my divorce for a while. I mean, I looked at them (
) and would speak, but since it seemed to me that every single (as in unmarried) guy I met was giving off red flags, I decided that my attraction quotient was very damaged and all the A's were drawn to me in a bee-line. Rather than experiment (date losers) I just said no to the whole scene. I grounded myself in a safe zone, probably for TOO long, with family, friends, and my children. The stronger I got, the less it bothered me that I was alone. When my chicks flew the nest, I suffered for a while with empty nest syndrome, but worked through that as well.
It has only been very recently that, due to a high school best friend (guy) looking me up after 30-some years, that I have dated again. And he's very healthy, very "normal" and very nice to me. It's been a challenge, dating at 51, and dating someone who is NOT drama guy, just normal guy.
But I laugh all the time, feel good about myself most days, and know every day that I totally deserve to be treated this way, without sacrificing ANY of my hard-fought for independence and self-confidence. Give yourself all the time you need, Duet. Try to remember how long it took you, once you came here with your story of your marriage to your exAH, to get to where you are now. It may take that long to get to the "love life" point again, where you are whole enough with yourself, without the need to confront family or need their approval or support, but that point is out there. Walk the walk. Take care of YOU while you take care of your kids. Be a GIRL even when you have to man up at home to get jobs done. Let go of shame. You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right and deserve a good life because of it, girl. Look what you've accomplished so far.
And maybe an old classmate will come along for you in a couple years and show you how great life can be with a boring-but-happy normal guy who knows how to treat a woman. I won't say that he will "take care of you" like the little girl inside of you needs taken care of right now, because I don't think that is his role. That was your mom and dad's role, and they failed you on that. So YOU have to do that part for yourself without relying on anyone else, especially a guy, to do that little-girl nurturing thing that you need right now. And that takes time. I'm so glad I took the years I did to get right and whole and confident and unashamed. Because this current relationship is way more balanced and equal and filled with sweetness and laughter and love.
Keeping an eye on you
PT