Smoke, I understand your dilemna. It has been my experience, since being in the recovery process that I like everyone else function off of self-will. That is the problem. You see that is not God's Will for me. I pray to know his will for me and then be quiet and be still "peace be still," so that I can hear the answer, whether it takes the form of action or the still small voice, directing my actions and behavior. It is not just me, Most recovering people I talk to have basically experienced the same response to prayer in the proper mode. I can say without a doubt that I have witnessed miracles in my life without my will or efforts involved. It is amazing, if you can let go and let God, do what he does best, "Take Charge Of Your Life and do His Will." To tell the truth, there are no words that can describe what I am trying to say. When you experience this "peace that passeth all understanding" We can nod to each other in understanding that which has no words.
Just for Today-------I am Sober