HI Deb...
The chat kind of wore me out, but at the moment I do have this thought. There is simply no way to tell when or if your husband is going to turn to help. Therefore, relying on his getting better to improve your life is not the best game plan. Please try to get to alanon or naranon. The only changes you can be SURE of are the ones you make in yourself.
Please keep posting.
Smoke