Hi Donna,
Thanks for the welcome back. I was doing well and if everything had panned out with the new job I am sure that I would still be sober. However, it did not and I have waaaay to much time on my hands and the thought of going out and trying to find a job in this economy is depressing. So, rather than buck up I drank. As I said above, I was offered a great job with an exciting company and I really assigned everything to that job. A new start in a new industry where my reputation would not follow me; security in such uncertain times; self worth; etc. When the rug got pulled out it was too tough to deal with right away.
Today I just thought to myself, first, I HAVE to act NOW. Second, the job that I was offered, I went against some pretty hefty competition and they offered it to ME. If THEY saw that much value in me then others will too. There I lay on the couch, hung over, eyes on fire, unshaven for days, and I said to myself, get up, clean up and get busy! My first step after cleaning myself up was to come back here.
I was seeing a counselor but he turned out to be a real piece of work. I mentioned my father figure of a counselor above. I think anybody that I go to will be measured against him and all will fall short and other than my own fears and insecurities there are no real major issues to work on. That being said, I would rather just face the issues that I am very aware of than to go to an uncaring figurehead every week to tell me what I already know.
Today is Day 1 again. Hope to see you on Day 2.