It's hard when you care about someone and believe that expereince can help them not to go through the pain, but it isn't heard. I think we see that occassionally with newcomers here too and sometimes we get inpatient.
I think you have the right idea Lies to not offer unless asked...Maybe even if asked, if you share your story rather than focus on her situation she may hear a little. I've found sometimes that can make someone less defensive. But it does all come down to, she will be ready when she is ready. You're a good friend to be there for her and to want to help.