HI Kathy...
I'm supposing this is your first relationship with an addicted person. Frankly, knowing what I know now, if I was in a new relationship and saw all those signs I'd put on my mountain boots and repel the heck out of there.
Please, for your own health and sanity, insist that this man go back to AA or begin some other treatment. If he does not, you are in for a round of punishment you could not imagine. Your love cannot save him. Only his commitment to being sober can do that. I urge you to make the commitment to youself that if he does not start working at recovery immediately, that you will not continue in this relationship.
As for his other behavior, frequently people with drug/alchohol abuse problems began because they had other emotional problems. That will be hard to sort out until he's been sober for awhile.
By all means go to al-anon. Don't be scared, everyone wants you there. Their stories will all have similar elements to yours. But I urge you to listen to those that have been enduring the problems of someone else's addiction for years, and what it's done to them. You will also hear sad tales from people who were in a similar situation as yours, but stayed because they thought their love and support could make all the difference. It can of course, if you are supporting a recovering alchoholic. All the love in the world won't help one that is practicing.
Again I urge you... draw the line.
We care about you.
Keep posting.
Smoke