My intention was never to imply that you could be the cause of your man's "problem drinking". Addicts and alcoholics are very gifted at doing that all by themselves.
I appreciate your clarifying your situation because I took a totally different motivation out of what you were saying. I apologize for that.
As for your significant other, I think he may be dancing with fire but it is for him to determine whether or not he is an alcoholic or not. I can see where it would be important for him to attend this engagement party. And I imagine he would feel more than a little self-conscious if he felt everyone were waiting and watching for his problem drinking to begin. I can relate to that.
However, I think I also see shades of him wanting to "do it himself" rather than ask for and accept the assistance of others who are going through the same thing. Even if he doesn't have close friends who are problem drinkers, his close friends could also provide valuable support in his efforts to stop drinking. I was the type of person who thought I could hadle my problems all by myself... I could not. Granted your sig. other may be different, but for those of us who are stubborn in this regard, accepting the support of others in these matters can be a liberating act of surrender.
He is very lucky to have such a supportive woman in his life. I hope things continue to go well for you.
Oh, and one more thing. I have had friends who enjoyed several years of "clean" time yet they would continue to hang out with other folks who used. Eventually, these friends used again and it was very devastating for them. You go to the barber shop and eventually you get your hair cut. If you guys determine that your Sig. other IS an alcoholic, A.A. could work miracles for him. I wish you well.
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The lie is dead...We do recover!
Gettin' Better!