barn,
I had trouble remaining "unfilled" when my unhappy child thoughts left me. I kept going back to them because they made me feel something. Just being, as much as I wanted it to be enough, never was, regardless of my spiritual practice, meditation, recovery tools, etc. I consider that a personal flaw....but it's a flaw I found I had to deal with because it just wouldn't go away even after years.
Solution: (for searching-seeking me) was to find my place in the world, in the "family of things". I had to get a crystal-clear vision of the kind of person I wanted to be, down to the last idiom, and know what kind of influence(s) I wanted to have on the world before I kick off. Without a goal, I am dead in the water and I know it. But once I had a vision, wrote it down, found role models, figured out what my gifts were, figured out where I could put them to work, and for whom.............then I could rotate everything I did -- EVERY decision I made, EVERY word that came out of my mouth -- around that axis, and it kept me from spinning off into space.
I know. Idealistic cr@p. But it doesn't have to be idealistic. I mean, I could have a vision that I want to be a great bank robber, televangelist, or counselor to other ACOAs.....it doesn't matter. With a life-sized cutout of the person I want to be standing right in front of me, then everything I did and said could be held up to it, and I could decide: Would the healthy, powerful, detached Me do/say this? Does this match Me, or is it the old stuff exerting it's sticky influence?
To do that, I worked not with a counselor, but a coach. Best investment I ever made in Me.
Heaven knows I'm nowhere near where I want to be, and I wish to god there were some kind of map (for example, I'm having a codie meltdown tonight, wheeeeeeeeee). But I DO know where I want to end up, and I have a set of topographical landmarks I can use to keep me pointed in the right direction, and I take comfort in all of that in the space the unhappy child thoughts left. It keeps me too busy to go back.
Love and compasses to you
p.s. let me know if you'd like me to send you the very first exercise my coach ever made me do. I still go back and look at this thing at least once a month.