Originally Posted by
orchid292927 
In reality, I know he would never ever kill me. I was just in such distress and the nature of his call left me in complete shock, I had no idea what else to do. I signed those papers in the heat of the moment and now I regret it more than anything.
Welcome Orchid! I'm pleased to "meet" you although the circumstances are not good. You have found a great place here full of people that have been in your position. More will be along soon.
In my situation, my x-husband of 18 years also was a binge drinker like your boyfriend. I wasn't as perceptive as you and didn't even know the term binge drinker until I was at the hospital after my X-AH had been in a horrible car accident and nearly severed a limb, which had to be amputated. He had bruised his heart and lungs and the doctors kept asking me how bad of an alcoholic he was because if he went in withdrawls it could kill him. That is when my denial of the situation broke and that was 10 years into the marriage. It took me another 7 years and several affairs from him and drinking in secret before I hit my bottom and sought help for ME! Unbelievably, I had become emotionally unwell in a big way....didn't even realize it until I started to act really nuts. I met my xah when I was in my young 20's and all the signs were right there. I pretended them away.
I think you have 2 very real realities going on in your life. The drunk and the undrunk. The drunk is unpredictable and you can not control him, you did not cause this, and you cannot cure it and this drunk could very well kill you. Sweety he has hit you, disrespected you, endangered you, and threatened your life while drunk. I would have filed the restraining order too, I would have felt horribly guilty back in my unwell days...now I would realize I would be taking care of me, and that is a perfectly rational and healthy thing to do.
Please keep posting as we are here for you.