Jeniax

Hi, I just discovered this board--can't believe I never looked online for al-anon before! I have attended meetings in the past, but we live in a rural area and the group I used to meet with slowly died off--now it's an hour drive to the next closest meeting.
Anyway, the reason I am posting is because my husband, Dan, is an alcoholic. Over the last 2 years he has greatly improved, but still hasn't quit drinking. He has said he never will. He WILL NOT go to any meetings himself--and I believe he will never change his mind. Claims the 'God ****' turns him off, to put it briefly. He works out of town (builds steel buildings) and over the last week and a half I have become aware that he is drinking every night--I have no clue how long this has been going on--I just happened to call his hotel room twice one night (we talked at 7, then at 9 I remembered something I needed to tell him) and he wasn't there. My warning bells went off and I did the same thing the next night, with the same results. I have been compulsively doing this ever since then, and once I did get him--he was drunk and trying to cover the fact, but we have been together for 10 years now--I know when he's drinking and usually how much--this was in the moderately-to-heavily bombed range. Tonight he is coming home and will be working at home for the next two weeks. I feel like somebody punched me in the stomach--I did not see this coming and if he is used to drinking like that every night the next two weeks are gonna be hell.
I don't know if I can survive another bout with him deeply into the bottle--I have had a lot of strife in my own life over the last couple of weeks--job stuff and a mild depression I have been trying to get over. It's only been about 4 months since I even began to truly trust him again--I had 8 years to build all sorts of walls and defenses (and psychotic behaviors) against the pain this stuff gives me, went thru my own addiction problems to boot, and have only been truly happy to be with him for a short time. It might even be that he started drinking heavily again around the time that I quit thinking he was going to! This makes me feel like I am on the verge of losing my sanity. I KNOW I do not want to start a fight about this, and that is a hard thing for me because I have a low tolerance in the freak out area. Basically I am scared to death of this whole situation!
Does anyone have any advice for me--I know --let go and let God--but how????
I would greatly appreciate any help/support that anyone has to offer me!!
Jen