Hello to the SR Community. While this is my first post here, I have been "lurking" for months, since August 08. I finally reached the inescapable conclusion in July that it was time to stop drinking. I have endless gratitude to this site and all of its members. I have learned so much reading all of the posts, and it has helped me immensley. With the exception of a few slips, I have not drank since late July o8.
A little about me -- I am a married, 46 year old mom with two children. Our 11 year old daughter has significant disabilities, and I stopped working about 10 years ago to be home with her.
I was never a daily drinker, more of a binge drinker. And wine was my favorite. Once I start, it is challenging to stop. Seems I have no "off" button. I did most of my drinking at home, hidden. My husband has always hated my drinking, as he drinks rarely. A few years ago I discovered vodka, and my path to the bottom quickened. I would hide it in the house, and sip it in soda cans or whatever. I would forget things, blackout, feel embarassed, guilty and swear each morning that I would stop. Only to commence again.
After drinking too much at a cookout in July, my husband had had it with me. I did not doubt that I had a problem with alcohol, but grappled with the idea that, with effort, I should be able to drink "normally." I was angry that I had let myself get to this place. So, initially I stopped drinking to keep the peace in my house. But with much reading and ALOT of time reading on this site, I have broadened my thinking.
I realized that I was never a "normal" drinker. One drink always led to the desire for more and more. And that was true from the very first time I drank a beer in high school. While it was not a problem for years, it slowly developed into one, and caused more and more embarassment and guilt and shame. I had one of those lightbulb moments one day reading on this site -- I realized that controlling my drinking was not fun, and drinking to excess caused too much trouble, so why bother.
Today, I am in a MUCH better and happier place. Life is truly a joy again, and I surely do not miss the hangovers, the guilt, shame and tension in my house. And no more coming up with new hiding places for a vodka bottle, or figuring what to do with the empty one.
And I owe so very much of that to this wonderful site. You cannot imagine how much this place has helped me. So, I finally decided to post, both to thank all of you, and to maybe share this journey with others!
