Dear Lost Sue,
I started to go to Al-Anon without telling my ABF. It was during one of the many "discussions" we tend to get into that I told him I was going. Where would the drama come from? Would he attempt to draw you into his negative energy about you're going as it might change the way you deal with yourself relevant to his dis-ease?
I can say going to f2f meetings and being on this site has been the best thing I've ever done for myself. Al-Anon members and the literature they sell can apply to many areas of your life. Al-Anon is for your recovery and well-being. Your well-being's got to count for something in your life right????
Good luck to you.
Alphawoman