I liked "Suzuki's" definition of patience which was not waiting for something to change but acceptance of "what is"
One thing about Sobriety is years and years of journaling, and one thing I have learned is I needed to learn how to live when life is Good.
I "do" drama well, it's what I was raised with, it's "comfortable" I have never been so miserable as when "All my dreams came true" in Sobriety
"If only this then that" is one of the most destructive forces in my life, and in my opinion in the world, it causes ... well consumerism runs on it.....it's like the "base" form of spiritual illness I think, or one of them.
In addition to my co-dependent behavior traits, I also suffer from a chronic weight problem. So not only did I convince myself that if my exAB could just become sober, then I'd be happy but I also convinced myself that if I could just lose weight, then I'd be happy, too.
My boyfriend became sober for a time and with much determination and hard work, I shed 150 pounds. So with both goals reached, I should have been happy, right? But it doesn't work that way. Happiness is an inside job. A boyfriend or a perfect body won't bring me happiness, just like an emotionally unavailable boyfriend or an overweight body aren't the cause of my misery.
Maybe instead of patience, you just need to love and accept yourself exactly as you are.
For me, that was one of the loneliest moments of my life, all "my dreams" and goals came true and I was empty inside.
I had to find an answer elsewhere.
Where I found it, and had to keep rediscovering it on a daily basis was inside me, God, if you will, inner peace, whatever what you choose to call it, hid itself in the place I ever thought to look.
my heart.
It wasn't in a bottle, or in large waves, or in hot sex or a great relationship, or traveling or risking my life although these things are all great, they aren't "the answer" I thought they were.
I "wander away" every few years because I'm none too bright, but I always come back it seems.
"God" hid in the last place I ever thought to look....my heart, and I don't "believe" in a deity btw just to clarify.