Old 12-29-2008, 04:10 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
redhot78
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 19
Thanks for the advice...

Thank you, everyone. I talked to my xah today, and told him that I was reconsidering, especially since he is still drinking. He told me that of course, he wouldn't drink at my house, since it was a "different atmosphere," then got pissy when I asked why he drank so much in this house for the 12 years he lived here if it was so "different." He offered other explanations (all b.s.) as to why everything would be fine if he came home. I told him that I just can't face going through this again, unless there is no other option and he is truly about to die. I felt bad to be so blunt, but at least I was true to my needs.

I spoke with the nurse at his doctor's office and she told me that he can hang on for a long time, no matter how awful he looks now. I'm going to go with him to his doctor's appt. next week and see what he says and if it is indeed time for hospice care.

I really think I could handle taking care of him if he didn't treat me like he can barely stand me -I end up feeling like a chump who allows herself to be taken advantage of again and again. Also, as "embraced" noted in her post, I just love to be the martyr, the "good woman" who is admired for her sacrifice. And of course, I can't stand the thought of making other people unhappy, even if I'm miserable! What a co-dependent mess I can be!

I told my daughter my thoughts on this, and she said she just can't stand the thought of her dad dying alone. I pointed out that he is the one that has never wanted help, who allowed us to spend thousands of dollars on countless rehab attempts that did no good because, as he admits now "I didn't want to quit drinking." I also pointed out to her that the stress of the last 10 years in particular have taken a toll on me, and I'm not immune to getting sick myself from having to deal with this. She seems to understand my position.

Thanks again for all of the responses, they helped a lot!

Cheri
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