Hi there,
I'm sorry you are dealing with a man that has crushed your sense of self.
Drugs and the abuse are two different things- sometimes the abusiveness comes as a result of an addiction- I don't know if this is the case with you.
Either way, verbal abuse is a very difficult thing to deal with, because you don't see it's effects untill you have gone too far.
Usually most abusers initally come off as fun, witty, strong, smart, etc, (otherwise you would most likley never have dated them for so long)
Most abusers don't tell you what a "stupid *****" you are on a first date- the abuse starts after you have touched their lives on a deeper level, and then that brings about their own very old, very deep issues- ie; how they grew up, and how they learned this abusive pattern themselves.
I have a wealth of info on this topic.
VERY VERY IMPORTANT- regardless of the drugs or not- he will CONTINUE TO ABUSE YOU AND ABUSE YOU MORE- the more YOU ALLOW IT. the more you tolerate his disrespect and abuse - the more it empowers him and will validate his evilness.....
It is a very sick and twisted patter, that if you stay engaged, will damage you for a very long time.
Alot of people tell me I have a strong Irish temper.... and they laugh about not wanting to 'mess with me'.....
That was a learned behaviour my friend, after being married to an abusive man (a cop ) as a matter of fact!!!
It was all verbal, it was horrid, pushing and shoveing at the end- then I left, with three kids in tow, one in diapers!!
It made me stronger in the long run, but let me tell you, I am no where near as kind as I used to be- deep down I am, but I'm afraid still.
I don't want anyone to see me weak,
I don't want anyone to have any control over me-
I don't want to give as easily.
That isn't fair to loving individuals that I have relationships with- but they who really know me know that I am just gaurded due to my ex's abuse.
Get some good counseling now- before his sickness causes you a terrible amount of greif.
Good luck,
Cessy