Your statement "I feel numb" is so brave of you to admit. I am sorry this is whats true for you right now, and I want you to know that confronting whats going inside you is such a wise choice!
You deserve more.
Numbness for me happens when I have too long gone without relating to another human being about whats going on inside me. It so hard to find safe people who care sometimes. I really think if you have the ability, you should hit the pavement and find a therapist that can walk through this stuff with you, and just be there for you.
And your boyfriend..I wonder if he has a clue of whats going on with you? And if not, I guess I think that could be such a bad thing for you to be in. It sounds like you have learned how to conceal your true emotions from those you are in relationship with. I wonder if this is just habit for you, or if deep down you know it is not safe to show your true self to this person. I guess I feel you reaching out here is kinda a huge indicator that your intimacy issues are not because you do not want to be truly known and loved by another. I would think through if you really feel valued by your boyfriend for who you are, or if he values you for who he wants you to be.
Keep searching, your HP has good things for you! Much love to you.
