I have always loved to write in journals since I was about 10 or so. I hated re-reading them and criticized every thought I had and decision I made, turning it around on myself like some repeating masochistic ritual.
I recently decided to do some inner child work with my therapist and brought in a huge bag full of journals. Tearfully I told her how happy I was to have these awful things down on paper - that I could see how external things I could not control as a child made me repeat and reherse negative and incorrect thoughts of myself...until I started to believe them.
When I first started to re-read these about a year ago my breath was taken away and I started to think, how on earth can anyone so set up for failure be a useful and healthy human? Today I feel and believe that it can happen as long as I keep moving forward and away from where I've been.
It's hard, but I'm learning to understand, embrace and give comforting love to the sick co-dependent me whose words I was reading, instead of hating and judging her.
Great thread Stubborn!