Originally Posted by
Stubborn1 
Now I'm wondering if I spent so many years complaining if I can ever be happy. It's like I've programmed myself to be miserable.
This sounds like a valuable insight.
It used to really get under my skin when people in AlAnon or here on SR would insinuate that I was "getting something" out of my husband's alcoholism.
In my case, I enjoyed being his opposite.
I was the super responsible, uber-caring, tough, always-sacrificing mother.
He was the drunken, irresponsible, weak, selfish, poor-excuse-for-a-father.
His failures made me feel successful. I depended on them a great deal.
When I started to get better, to forgive and let go of my husband's alcoholism, I found myself faced with a great emptiness.
It felt pretty miserable at first.
Keep up the journal, keep up the meetings.
You'll find your way through to happiness.
There's always hope - for our alcoholics and for us.
-TC