(((eleison))) love and peace to you. you are not alone, anymore.
memories often come up in the recovery process and some for me have been deeply painful, traumatic and some seem out of a horror movie but the feelings coming up are on their way out. with the help of my 12 step program (alanon for me) i have a support network as well as my higher power who fills the void that my upbringing left me.
the issue with memories for me is that its safer now, to feel the feelings taht i could not feel then to survive. i was innocent and a victim then but now i have the power to take actions and make choices on my own behalf. im not at the mercy of a drunken beating, im not powerless while my father and his friends rape my sister and all i can do i cry and sing nursery rhymes to repress my own feelings of failing her even if im only 8. theres plenty of tragic tales that accompany the family disease the break our hearts and how we lose so so much....yet hope lies in today, in recovery, in recovering faith and trust in a higher power who can help us to heal and begin to realise the fact we are still here. YOU ARE STILL HERE. despite it all....as we work the steps witha sponsor i am learning to find out who i am, where i begin, where my father ends, where my dreams begin, wehere my mothers dreams for me end, where god wants me to be and what i need to let go of, the hurt, the hate, the pain and feel it all deeply before it is released so that i find a way to live the best life ever, to feel at peace and to let go of the dream i had for my life so i an work with my higher power in bulding a new dream and reality that can be reached and where i can love and be loved for who i really am. this is my prayer. peace love and commendations to you for taking the path of honesty. courage!! xxx