DK....i'm so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed right now
Not having dealt with it personally, I can't claim to really understand OCD stuff...although my son seems to have some of it.
I do tend to relive my failures sometimes....just remember that is only one little peice of you..you are such a warm and wonderful person paul. I try to focus on my positive charactoristics when I can and encourage myself to grow where my assets are.
I guess I figure there are areas of my life that I may never really excell at, but growing the good seems to make that a little more ok
Oh yeah...drugs and alchohol seem to mostly make my negative stuff much more obvious as far as my personality stuff goes...even though it may make me "feel better" in some ways.