I think, if I may borrow Sugah's words, if you have some combination of spiritual belief, honest living, and purposeful, service-oriented living - and I'd add a sincere commitment to the hard work of staying clean - then you're ahead of the pack, 12 steps or not.
The specifics may be open to a degree of interpretation - I myself don't find a spiritual component necessary beyond a desire to fulfill my potential as a human being, use my talents wisely, and live 'right' - but that's ok....its the same goal we're chasing here...freedom.
As Bugs said, there are many paths to recovery. I hope your bf finds his way too Cassandra
D