Jack2000,
I'm glad you are reaching out here on SR. For what it's worth, I've always had anxiety around people. I'm still not all that social but the more I force myself to go to social gatherings and/or meetings, the easier it becomes. When I get outside of my head and listen to other people I find that a lot of them feel awkward around people... or did at first and found it easier as they worked a program of recovery.
As far as a sponsor goes. When I first came back into the rooms, I remember going to a noon meeting close to where I worked while I still had a license to drive. I knew I had to get a sponsor so I was looking around the room and had picked out an old timer. I worked up the courage and shared that I was new and needed a sponsor. There was a guy there about my age in a suit. I looked at him and thought he was too preppy looking for me to get along with. After the meeting I went outside to work up the courage to go back in and ask the old timer. The guy in the suit walked by and said hello. He stopped, turned around and walked back. He said that he had heard me say that I needed a sponsor and offered to be my "temporary" sponsor until I found one. Long story short, he became my permanent sponsor and took me through the steps. We had a lot more in common than I imagined. It turns out this college grad, wearing a nice suit and driving a nice car had worked as a janitor when he first came to A.A. We called him "Shotgun" because he had pointed a loaded shotgun at his girlfriend while drunk. Now he had a beautiful wife, attended church and was living a productive life.
Anyway, I hope you find the courage you need to get to a meeting. If you think you'll have a problem with interacting with the literature rep at the meeting to buy a Big Book, order one online or at least
read it online.
By the way, here's the "Prescription"...
As far as worrying about running into people you know being at the meeting... does it really matter? I don't break my anonymity unless there is a reason but I don't really care who knows I'm in recovery. Outside of work, most of the people I interact socially with are people in recovery. The others either know I'm in recovery or know that I don't drink. I've heard other people say they had the same worry about running into people they knew at a meeting, some traveling several towns over to go to a meeting where they know they shouldn't run into anyone they know. I've also heard the occasional share about driving X number of miles to go to a meeting where they wouldn't know anyone only to run into someone they knew! I've heard shares about people walking through the doors and finding their drug dealers at a meeting! Please don't let your concerns about running into people you know keep you from receiving the gift of recovery!
- R