(((Blizzard)))
I am catholic, my experience has been. There are different churches and different priests, within the catholic church. For instance one church here, does gay marriages.
Has for years. They also allow the sacraments without an annullment.
I also struggled with what you are stuggling with.
One of the wisest words said to me.. from a nun.
She told me, "Honey this is not heaven, this is earth. We are born with free will, we choose. Some people simply choose not to be in Gods Plan.. there is not a lot our God can do about that. All he can do is protect you OR give you the strength to bear it."
Blizzard- this helped me- detach.
One night I had a dream, my husband was in it. He was not sick anymore, he was the man I had fallen in love with and married, had kids with. He asked me, "why didn't you take better care of my son's?? I was sick.. I couldn't."
Don't know who that guy who is walking around in his body is today!
But- that was the guy I was married to.
Take care