I have similar memories, eleison. Strange pictures of things that didn't add up for a long time.
Like coat closets. I had this weird thing for coat closets for a long time, was frightened of them, and didn't know why. I remembered one day that my mother had used coat closets as one of her hiding places for booze, and I was forbidden (sometimes violently) to be in them when I was little.
Lots of bad memories. I try to exorcise every one when I can. I have my own coat closet now and try to keep it clean and tidy and friendly, for example.
And personal counseling REALLY helped me identify all the strange places where i couldn't see the line between me and the behavior they stuck me with. It saved my life.
Go forward without fear, eleison. It is your life, your body, your spirit, and you can clean out these things and build something better....one small step at a time.
Hugs
:ghug3